The Happy Herbivore Hypothesis

“What rhymes with stripper?”

Alice lifts her head up. Brushing her blond hair aside, she looks over to Dave. The two are staying in a small motel just outside of the Vegas city limits. The sign outside says 'The Whole Year Inn' with the 'W' conveniently burnt out, because that’s what you would need in your head to want to stay there long term. Dave hunches over a tiny desk, scribbling on a piece of paper.

“Dave, what are you doing?” She asks, sitting up curiously. Alice had never seen Dave read anything, let alone write.

“I’m writing a poem.”

She stands, setting the small universal remote down gingerly as she does. 

“About strippers?” she asks, moving in for a closer look. Dave stops writing and thinks for a moment. He turns her way.

“Is that not the right term?”

Alice picks the poem up off of the desk and looks it over. She raises an eyebrow then squints towards him. He smiles innocently up at her. “Dave?”

“It’s for Austin.” 

“I gathered that from the title.”

“Do you think he’ll like it?” Alice cannot help herself and begins to giggle. She covers her mouth to stifle the sound. “What?”

“Why are you writing a sonnet, Dave?”

“Well, everyone’s so filled with hate and anger these days and I thought I’d take a different approach. Why lead with a fist when you can lead with a hug?”

“It’s a wrestling match.” She says, matter-of-factly. Dave merely blinks. “I think all those concussions you’ve suffered have distorted your perception to the result of that action.

“Has anyone tried it before?”

He had a point, but not a good one. Alice once again fights her mirth, the corner of her lip twitching as she nods.

“Sure. Give him a hug.” She hands him back the paper and flops back onto the bed. Scooping up the remote, Alice begins to flip through the channels. “And Dave?”

He looks over his shoulder towards her. “Don’t use the term stripper.”



Of all of the people that I could face,
It had to be the Head Doe, the dancer
Standing toe-to-toe with me in this place.
He’s the question: do I have the answer?
But I won’t fight in anger, only love.
I won’t call you names: unless it is friend.
Pull you down? I’d rather lift you above.
Break you apart: no, but I’ll help you mend.
Death by Chocolate? Please, let it be me
Spare my friend! I will stand for him and fall
And if I should die? So it shall then be:
I would say heaven then made the right call.
For he is truly blessed and beautiful,
The loss of Dave? It is excusable.


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